How To Raise A Juvenile Delinquient

According to one Christian leader, here is how:

(1) When your child is still an infant, give him everything he wants. This way he will think the world owes him a living.

(2) When he picks up swearing and off-colored jokes, laugh at him, encourage him. As he grows up, he will pick up cuter phrases that will floor you.

(3) Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is twenty-one and let him decide for himself.

(4) Avoid using the word ‘wrong.’ It will give your child a guilt complex. Later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, [he will think] that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

(5) Pick up after him—his books, shoes, and clothes. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others.

(6) Let him read all the printed material he can get his hands on—[don’t monitor his internet use or TV programs]. Sterilize the silverware, but let him feast his mind on garbage.

(7) Quarrel frequently in his presence, and then he won’t be too surprised when his home is broken up later. (8) Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. Every sensual desire must be gratified; denial may lead to harmful frustrations.

(9) Give your child all the spending money he wants. Don’t make him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you did?

(10) Take his side against neighbors, teachers, and policemen; they’re all against him.

(11) When he gets into real trouble, make up excuses for yourself by saying, ‘I could never do anything with him; he’s just a bad seed.’

(12) Prepare for a life of grief.

Borrowed from Jentzen Franklin